Am I Easy?

Got your attention, didn't I?!  Well, it's true.  Not exactly in the way you might be thinking, however. (If your mind is anything like mine.)  In this case I'm talking about my interaction with my son, Nick.  My nickname for him is "my little cutie".  It's what I've always called him because, well it just fits him.   I think it's okay for me to out him as my "little cutie" in this forum, because the chance of him (or any of his friends) reading my blog is slim to none.  And that is okay with me, as I occasionally may post something that I don't want him to know.  For example, his Mom (gasp) is not perfect, as I am sure he thinks I am.  Besides, I'm going to talk about how great he is.

Nick is twelve, and is very polite, handsome, smart, athletic.....I could go on and on.   He's also funny, and is always making me laugh.  He's just got a natural way of putting people at ease, and drawing laughter from them.   Yesterday I went into his room to put laundry away and found a very tiny pencil on his desk.  He had sharpened it down so far it was really just the pencil point with an eraser.

I will say, I am pretty easy to bring to laughter, but it struck me as hilarious.   I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face.  The pencil showed how dedicated my son can be.  And hysterical.  I wonder where he gets it?!  He wasn't even there and he made me laugh.

I have to admit, he literally has me wrapped around his little finger.  I'm starting to suspect that he knows this.  To me he's still that innocent little boy who called me Mommy.  Not the older child who is well on his way to being a teenager.  Much to his older sister's irritation, I am easily charmed by him.  He gets away with stuff I never would have dreamed of letting her do.  It could be because he's the youngest....or it could be that I'm easily sweet talked into giving him what he wants.  It's true, I admit it!  I'm easy.  (Don't let that get out!)  Or it could be that since Kendall is a girl, I'm hip to her game.  She is just like me, and I can figure out what she's planning before she does it.   Probably because I did it all.   (But that, my friends is material for another time!)

Boys have always been my weakness.  I can be armed and ready when it comes to interacting with other women, however with boys it's another story.    And Nick, being a boy, is probably my biggest weakness.  Perhaps it's the mother bear thing, who knows.

When I put my foot down,  he gives me his "little cutie" smile and I melt.  Then I very frequently cave.  I know I'm not doing him any favors.  I could be creating a monster.   So far this hasn't happened, or at least I have not seen evidence of it happening (although his sister might tell a different story).    To me, he's still the same sweet boy he's always been.  But puberty is looming.  It is inevitable.  He will not be so little and sweet anymore.  Yikes, I'm not quite ready for that.  I'm too young!   (Because it is all about me, right?!)  I suppose in my mind I was conveniently forgetting that for Nick, early childhood is turning too quickly into adolescence.

In writing this, it's dawning on me that it's time for a change.   I should avert my eyes from the "little cutie" face, put my foot down, and keep it down when appropriate.   Try something different.  Although I am sincere when I say this is rarely necessary with Nick.  He is a pretty good, respectful kid.  Still, I suspect this new approach will not be well-received by him, and might prove difficult for me to stick to.  After all, I am easy.   Well, it will just be a good time for me to practice using my slowly strengthening back bone.  It's probably going to mean letting go of some fear.  Fear that my little boy might be upset with me.  Fear that my little boy is growing up, and in order for him to be rightly prepared for "real life", he's going to have to have boundaries.  As usual, the more I write, the clearer it becomes.

Life is full of disappointments.  I get told "NO" all the time!  It's all part of the deal.  I'm learning that I'm capable of changing for the better.  And since I hold all of the power, so can Nick.  Well, I suppose I am the one who will ultimately be making the changes, but Nick can adapt.  For the better.  So, I'm going to be tightening up the boundaries.  This will be a good thing, and someday Nick will thank me for it!  Right?

Right.

Not to worry Kendall, my sweet sixteen year old.  Don't feel left out.  There will be a blog post dedicated to you in the future! :)  Fair's fair.