Monday, January 14, 2013

What Lies Within

I hesitated only briefly when naming this post.  Others have uttered these words in the past.  However, it is a proper title for my current blog entry.  To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us".  And this befits my life at this moment in time.

Believe it or not, I've often thought of myself as fragile.  As a follower.  Someone who just blends into the crowd.  In fact, this was how I've been most of my life.   I was a shy child, and was quiet most of my young adult hood.  I most definitely lacked confidence.  Until I emerged in college.  It could have been Speech class my sophomore year, or the people I grew close to.  Maybe it was the fun of partying or the change of scenery, but it seemed my quiet side vanished.  I discovered boys and fun.  However, my insecurities remained.  I never really thought I had any great value.  After the college years, these insecurities would rear themselves at various points during my adult years.  Not going to lie, it was a struggle.   There were choices I made that at times I wish I could reverse.  I know, I regrets.  And truly, I can only look forward.

Don't feel bad for me, as I no longer am that girl.   Both the shy girl, and the party girl are a part of my past.  I would describe myself today as confident.  Sure of myself.  Comfortable in my own skin.  It took me a while, but here I am.   And the great thing about where I am in life now is I am not afraid.   I firmly believe it is the community of friends I've cultivated, especially in the last four years.  I have become much more spiritual.  I began to put myself "out there" and tried new things.  Gained some independence.  Three years ago I started triathlon and have since fallen in love with the sport.  Through racing, I have become part of a whole different community of wonderful people.  The support has made all the difference.

In addition to this, as you know, I've been indulging in some soul searching.   I've discovered that in recent years I've transformed.  Yet, I'm still Michelle.   Have I finally grown up?  I would say yes!  Because, while I'm having more fun than ever, my feet are firmly grounded.  In short, I am right where I'm supposed to be.

I was reminded of this today, while talking to a friend.  She was listening as I was discussing some recent events in my life, that are altering the course of my immediate future.  I adamantly told her that I would not be a victim.  She stopped me and said, "You?!"  I asked her what she meant and she replied "you are so strong I would never think of you as a victim!"  Well.  I've been feeling strength coming from within, but it was nice to have the confirmation from someone outside of my own mind.

I got home this afternoon and registered for all of the races that I had only planned.  My 2013 race season is solidified, and I'm thrilled.  Now I just have to train and put in a little (a lot) of blood, sweat and tears.  And later, sheer joy when I accomplish my goals.  Of course, I will keep you in the loop of my progress.

Our immediate world is ever evolving.  It's how we choose to approach the evolution that shows our strength of character.  What I've gathered from Emerson's famous quote today is this:  My past, both good and bad, has created who I am today.  My future, whatever it may be, will be what it will be.  I have control only of myself and not of others.  There is great peace in my heart to be in acceptance of that.  Strength.   It is what lies within.

See you soon!


  1. A very confident post indeed Michelle. You know who you are and where you are going in life. You've counted the cost and you're fully aware what you need to do in order to achieve your goals - there will be 'blood, sweat and tears'. We can't change the past but have learned from it, and now you're shaping your future very nicely. Stay strong and keep it up.

  2. Self-confidence is a wonderful cup to drink from, and yours is overflowing.