The Journey Continues

My eyes opened on day two of our journey.  Thursday, December 12, 2013. We had arrived long after sunset the night before so I was anxious to see my outdoor surroundings. It seemed we had driven through emptiness arriving in the middle of nowhere. I was imagining beauty, from the description I had been given by Becky, our hostess.  I was not disappointed. The morning light peeking through the window displayed a spectacular view of the pristine landscape of the back of the home, which had been hidden in the thick darkness of the night. It was remote and breathtakingly beautiful.  There was not a sound.  It was as if time stood still and I was the only person present. I had been given a room all to myself, probably for the last time on this trip. I stretched, like one of Becky's cats, and remained in bed for a few more minutes lost in my thoughts. This was a rare luxury and I was taking full advantage.

As I relaxed, I closed my eyes and reflected on the sense of peace I was feeling.  Our slow progress toward Florida was another luxury I appreciated. This trip means more to me than a simple vacation and cycling training. It is a catalyst to an even deeper level of spirituality. A much needed battery recharge. 

I was in perfect company. The three amigas, as we have dubbed ourselves, have different personality traits, yet we blend well together. Balance each other.  Compliment each other. Athletes, women and friends on a common journey.  There are times in life where one must put the hustle and bustle behind and return to simplicity.  We had no particular agenda other than to arrive at athlete check-in in Mt. Dora, FL at 6:30pm Friday evening, and the big training ride on Saturday.  Otherwise we were winding our way slowly to the sunshine state.

I am not spontaneous.  Or, at least I haven't been.  Recently I have been consciously letting go of a lot of my old ideas, habits and character flaws which have been holding me back from achieving balance.  On this trip I have learned spontaneity, patience and tolerance.  So far.  Ha Ha.

We had a lovely breakfast with Becky and Fatty the cat, reloaded the car and hit the open road. Destination: Chattenooga, TN. The only plan was to ride our bikes when we arrived. Hopefully part of the Ironman Chattenooga course, if we could locate it.  Basically, however we had no idea where, when or how long the ride would be, and I let go of the control.  I was along for the ride, so to speak, in more ways than one.  And that's huge progress for me.

We arrived in Chattenooga around 11am, and scoped out a good place to start. We parked in an open lot and unloaded the bikes.  It was colder than we anticipated and we needed our cold weather gear.  We laughed, bundled up (understatement) and set out.  We were going to attempt an out and back, as we were unfamiliar with the town and surrounding mountains.  Yes.  Mountains.  We started out, and Catherine stopped to request some sort of directional advice from a local Salvation Army bell ringer.  He seemed to know what he was talking about, and once again the urge to act spontaneity struck and we decided to throw caution to the wind and set out in the direction he pointed.  Our plan was to make as few turns as possible.

After taking an eternity to get changed, fill our water bottles, use the restroom and set out amidst much laughter, it was close to 2:00pm.  The ride was hard.  The elements and the terrain worked against us, but we persevered!  It felt bitterly cold, there was a fair amount of wind, and we faced challenging climbs.  (I happen to love riding in the wind and I embrace climbing, so the ride was so much fun.)  The girls had a blast as well.

Downtown Chattenooga was beautiful and the perfect spot to break up our trip to do what we love.  

We returned to the car, locked our gear and our bikes and had an early dinner. Ben and Jerry's ice cream for dessert. We justified the calories with the exertion we had put forth on our bikes. We got back on the road at 6pm, laughing and chatting as we replayed the day. We stopped for the night (spontaneously) in Valdosta, GA.  

Next destination: Mt. Dora, FL  A three hour drive....

To be continued....

The Journey to La Vuelta MotionFit Training Camp

Day One

Indiana to Rutledge TN

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

The adventure begins. Michelle Atkins, Brenda Juarbe-Pearson and coach extraordinaire Catherine Lacrosse. Amazing cyclists and very good friends setting forth on a cycling vacation. 

Three girls, three bikes and too many bags. In pre-trip discussions, we all vowed not to overpack. That being said, we over packed. I mean, let's be honest, a girl just never knows what shoes to wear with a given outfit until she's getting dressed. It's best to have options. Additionally, five days of cycling in various climates requires a fair amount of gear. However, we managed to squeeze the luggage, bikes and ouselves into one car. We are at maximum capacity.  And loving every second. 

In preparation for The Big Event, La Vuelta Puerto Rico in January, we are attending a weekend training camp presented by Motionfit. Kameel Abdurraman is Motionfit and is a road captain for the peloton style La Vuelta. It promises to be a fantastic weekend of solid cycling. Saturday we will ride 141 miles, and a short 40 mile wrap up ride Sunday.

Obsessed with cycling as we are, a few extra days of riding have been added to spice up the adventure. 

We are traveling by car from bitterly cold Indiana to sunny, warm Florida.  Tonight we will stay with friends in Tennessee. Becky Gillum and her husband Don are our hosts. Becky is a fellow Ironman and it will be fun to add a fourth lady to the group for the night. 

The six hour drive was filled with laughter and much-needed girl talk. We arrived in Tennessee feeling refreshed and joyous. Becky had advised us that her house had "exploded with Christmas" and we were not disappointed. Decorating is evidently Becky's gift. The lovely house was tastefully "Christmas-ed". Every room appeared to be an exhibit in a fine art museum with over 500 Santas, mostly antique, artfully displayed. A beautiful home and a perfect sanctuary for the night. 

It was a wonderful, relaxed evening. Just what I needed. 

My life has been quite turbulent recently. This first day of our trip, surrounded with love and laughter, has renewed my spirit.  As I stretch in the big, comfortable bed ending the day with evening meditation, I am at peace. 

Day Two...driving to Chattenooga, TN to tackle the Ironman bike course. 

To be continued...

Running Commentary - Rain

The alarm rouses me at 6:30am.  It's Saturday, and I struggle to recall why I am getting up so early.  It's raining.  My room is dark, quiet and the taps of rain drops are loud as they patter the roof.  I have a run on my schedule today, a long one.  I hit the snooze button, pull the covers to my chin and drift back to sleep.  Twice more.  Finally, at 7:00 I sit up then slowly crawl out of bed.

This is the first day in quite awhile the sun hasn't been streaming through my windows.  Instead it is a gloomy murkiness as I reach for the light.  Stretch.  The very last thing I want to do is put on my running shoes and head outside. I shrug the negative thoughts away and reach for my shoes, determined to do what I said I would do.

I head out and into the rain.  It actually feels good on my skin as I start warming up.  I feel suddenly optimistic about what's ahead.  I have abandoned my electronic devices and run unplugged.  Only my thoughts to listen to.

Tension evaporates into the droplets on my face as I run.  My brain swirls with thoughts of recent events, hopes for the future and gratitude.  Mile after mile goes by, and decisions are being formed in my mind.  Brain blogging at it's best.  I smile as I feel my optimism return.  The feeling to expect the best in all things returns.  Hope.

I have been struggling of late, but as I run I am reminding myself that we all have struggles in life.  Rather than sit in them it's best face them.  Run it out, but not run away.  That's what today's workout means to me.

I run for two hours, unsure of my mileage but feeling wonderful.  Rebirth with the final drops playing on my skin.

As I sit down to blog my thoughts, I see 10 unfinished posts pop up.  I am reminded of the feelings of procrastination and fear that have been plaguing me for weeks now.  Shake it off Nims.  I deleted the 10 posts that were lingering on my laptop.  Starting fresh today.  I am getting back to the basics.

Peace, out
M

An Excerpt Snippet Two

Snippet two...

The view on the ground was somewhat less illustrious than from the penthouse. Rain had set in overnight and the streets of the city were gritty. Or maybe that was me. I felt as if I had been hit by a truck.

I raised my hand for a cab. Even after years of brutal taxi cab rejection, I still expect one to stop immediately. Twenty minutes later I was starting to consider throwing myself in front of one of the bastards, when miraculously one stopped. A fresh looking woman emerged and looked down at me disdainfully. I threw my disheveled ass into the back seat after giving her my best "Yeah? What, bitch!?" looks.  Didn't everyone wake up in a strange apartment with no memory and a hangover to end all this morning?  I blurted out my address to the cabbie and leaned back against the worn seat. "Wait...what is the address here?" I asked. He looked at me with an amused expression. He was giving me judgement...really? "Just tell me the address." Shaking his head he said "509 Park Avenue. Don't you live here?" He smirked. Shamed by a NYC cabbie. "Just drive." I said sharply.

We arrived at my "less than Park Avenue" address, I tumbled out and practically crawled up the steps to the building then up the two flights to my tiny apartment.  I dragged myself to my bed and collapsed.

I dreamt of beige furniture and passion.

I awoke an hour later to the buzzing of my cell phone.  23 missed calls.  15 from my editor.  I listened to voicemail, made coffee and turned on the shower.  As the steam filled the bathroom I called him back and listened to his tirade with the phone held 5 inches away from my ear.  "I know Tom, I will be in your office in a half hour.  Deadline will be met as usual. Yes I'm alive."  It was almost as if he cared. The next five calls were from the girls frantic about where I went after the bar. Well, that makes six of us. What the hell was I going to tell them?

The other three calls were from an unrecognized number.  No voicemail.  All received this morning.

I shrugged and got into the hot shower.  As I soaped my body to rid my skin of the NYC grime I attempted to piece together last night.  Interview with a local politico, drinks with some colleagues, dinner and clubbing with the girls.  It was after the club that was a complete blackout.  Not good.  OK, what was the last thing I remember?  Suddenly I remembered dancing with a man.  Tall, dark and handsome.  Dark hair with gray temples.  Physique of a marathon runner, grace on the dance floor. His hands on my hips drawing me close as the music pulsated around us. Lips I wanted to devour.  Then black.  Nothing until the sunrise nearly blinded me this morning in the Park Avenue penthouse.

I stood in the shower frozen.  Shit....what did I do?  The fact that it was a complete blank after that point shared the shit out of me.  I doubt I could pick his face out in a line up.  But his body....his hands on me...my imagination was going haywire.

The buzzing of my phone brought me back to the present.  When I picked it up it was the mystery caller.  Here we go.  "Hello?"

To be continued....

Precious Time

Precious time, a day in the life.  Fear no more.

It seems as if several days in my life have passed, as if I blinked and they whirled by.  I've finally come up for air.  The kids are out of school for the summer and my normal routine has gone bye-bye.

I haven't posted in over a week. (You may or may not have noticed :). Part of the reason is my routine being out of whack, but more importantly I've spent time with my children. It's summer...I have the time...and life is short. They both had birthdays this week. My son, Nick turned 13 (a teenager!!) and is beginning 7th grade in the fall.  My daughter, Kendall turned 17, will soon have her drivers license and will be entering her senior year of high school.  Senior year!  Next year she will (God, please!) be off to college. Yes, I am that old. (Funny, I don't feel old??)

Time really does fly. Occasionally it's necessary to step back, examine life and re-prioritize. I seem to be doing that quite a bit lately. (I'll save that for another time).  We all need a break now and then I suppose.

The main reason a pause was necessary... Kendall will be having surgery on Monday morning.  She has experienced ongoing knee pain in her left leg for a few years. In 2010 I took her to an orthopedic physician. He ordered an MRI, which showed "nothing" but a small knot he diagnosed as a calcification.  He prescribed physical therapy and said to come back if the pain persisted.  With PT her pain subsided, so no further action seemed necessary. Fast forward to early 2013. The pain was back, this time much worse.  I urged Kendall to revisit the PT exercises which had previously helped and encouraged exercise to strengthen the surrounding muscles. A few months passed, and the pain was intensifying rather than subsiding. I took her back to the orthopedic physician in mid May. After another MRI we were asked to return to the office for the results. The MRI revealed that the small bump was now much larger, and had become what he called it a tumor.  We were referred to a specialist at Indiana University Health who specialized in childhood tumors. When we saw the specialist (oncologist...it was difficult for me to use that term) he advised the tumor would have to be surgically removed and biopsied.  BUT the good news was, in his expert opinion it appeared to be a benign tumor. We would only know for certain after the biopsy, but his confidence buoyed ours.  He also felt the surgery could wait until after school ended for the year.  So here we are.

It's very odd....as I've evolved in the last few years, I am not the worrier I once was.  I honestly have hope that what is meant to be will be, and that we are only given what we can handle.  I used to spend so much time worrying, and the only result was much more stress.  I am convinced that to worry about an unforeseen event or outcome is completely useless.  I will take what comes as it comes.  This is not to mean that I am blindly going through life just waiting for things to happen.  I take action today for what I can, and turn over what I can't.  This approach makes life so much easier!  For the most part I am fairly stress free, one day at a time.

I think my new approach to life has rubbed off on Kendall. So very cool.  She is nervous about the surgery (she's never been under general anesthesia except for some routine dental work) but she has a sense of calm.  My daughter is just like me, only stronger.  The last few years of evolution in our family have touched her as well.

That being said...it's not every day your child faces surgery, and ultimately an unknown prognosis.  We will handle whatever comes together.  To be honest, however I am apprehensive and a little scared.   This is my baby (albeit my young adult baby), after all.  I do know that with our resolve we will get through this.

We spent the last several days at my Mother-in-Law's lake house.  Kendall asked specifically to go there on her birthday so that she could have some fun on the water before her surgery.  I was happy to oblige.  This was the first time I had been to the lake this year, and we are not sure when we will be able to go again, so it was very nice to get away with the kids.  Laughter is the best medicine.  Flat out truth.  Apprehension evaporated into the clean lake air, and our giggles and smiles radiated in the sunshine.

I didn't write, I just spent time with them.  It was what we all needed.

 

On this beautiful Saturday, with the windows open behind me, I am at my desk typing away.  I've missed it!  Time away proved effective, because writing this post just flowed naturally.  I am glad to have the opportunity to share with you, and to translate my churning thoughts into a post.

Another day in the life, and fear is nowhere to be seen.  What a blessing.  If your thoughts turn to me on Monday, think also of Kendall.  Perhaps you might be inclined to say a little prayer, or just to send a little positive thought and good vibes our way.  It would be very much appreciated.  Stay tuned...thank you for listening.

Peace.

An Excerpt Snippet One

I am working on a piece of fiction, which is based upon a true story.  My true story. It promises to be raw and honest.  Names changed to protect the innocent and all that jazz.  It is a story from my heart that I feel I must write.  I plan to share little snippets as time goes by.....I hope you enjoy...Michelle

An Excerpt, Snippet One

It's the same dream.  I'm wearing a long, floating, white sundress.  My long hair is being whirled about by the wind as I run down the beach terrified.  My bare feet sting as sharp shells dig into my flesh. I turn to look back at my pursuer who is getting closer. Oh my God he's going to catch me!  I can hear his breathing. His effortless gait and his footfalls are rhythmic.  This is easy for him I think miserably.  He's playing with me.  God.  My breath is ragged but I run on.  Not knowing how I am going to outrun him, my fierce determination to survive pushes me forward.  I turn again to look back and stumble over a large piece of driftwood and fall hard onto the sand.......

I wake up.

The pain exploded in my head and a wave of nausea washed over me.  I keep my eyes closed.  The room was too bright to open them and I knew my head would hurt even more.  Groaning I roll on my tummy and press my face into the pillow willing the pain to go away.  I knew it wouldn't.  I need coffee.

I stretch onto my back and slowly peel my eyes open.  Where the hell am I?  The room was completely unfamiliar as was the man sleeping next to me.  Holy shit.  I sit up, my head throbbing, and slowly climb out of the bed.  My clothes are strewn on the floor leading to the door, but my shoes and purse are nowhere to be seen.  Shit.  I pick up my panties, my black silk dress, my red scarf and slowly open the heavy door.  The apartment was enormous, the floor a dark hardwood, the furniture white and beige.  Nice digs, I think.  Who the hell is this guy?  How the hell did I get here?  I stumble down a long hallway. My plan was to find a bathroom as far away from the bedroom as possible. I did not want to wake him up.

I enter a large open great room, with floor to ceiling windows revealing the New York City skyscrapers towering over the other side of Central Park.  Ah, of course this place is Central Park West, I mutter.  I find the powder room located off the gleaming granite, stainless steel kitchen and close the door.

Greeting me in the mirror was a wild looking girl, her long blond hair resembling cornstalks after a tornado.  Fabulous.  I get dressed, splash cold water on my face cleaning off the remaining make up from the night before.  I wipe my face onto an unbelievably soft, beige towel that probably cost more than my next paycheck from the newspaper would cover.  I laugh as my father's words rang in my head "you're too pretty for all that make up".  Right, Dad.  I try to smooth my hair somewhat, so as to not scare the doorman when I do the walk of shame through the lobby and out the front door.  God my head hurt.

I exited the bathroom, tiptoeing back into the great room, on the hunt for my things.  Not necessarily in that order.  I did not have the luxury of taking time to enjoy the surroundings, or for my journalistic nature to kick in to get to the bottom on who this guy was.  It didn't matter, I just had to get out of there.  I find my things on the beige sofa, grab them and head for the door.  My Christian Louboutin pumps were lying askew next to the door.  I had gotten them for a steal at a sample sale, yet they had cost me my previous paycheck. Worth every penny.  As I turn the door knob I distantly hear the sound of another door opening.  The bedroom.  He was awake!  I hurriedly step through the door, crossing the small hallway to the elevator.  I had been in the penthouse.

Another wave of nausea hits me, my hangover settling in for the long haul.  It was going to be a long day.

Reality Check

Today was a wonderful day! I am feeling renewed. Taking positive action does the trick every time. In order to face the adversity I wrote about yesterday, I saddled up and indulged in a little two wheeled therapy.

I was joined by my coach and two other triathletes for a planned 30 mile ride incorporating intervals.  When we started out I protested the added sprints claiming "I wasn't feeling it".  I was still feeling a bit down. I expected a pity party. My coach wasn't hearing it. She informed me that I'm doing the intervals like it or not. No pity party for Michelle. She reminded me that I had expressed to her just that morning that I wanted to replace my sadness with something uplifting, like a good workout.  Great...me and my big mouth.

You know what?  Turns out a good kick in the ass was just what I needed. It was a definite reality check. It works far better for me than hand holding. I was reminded that I'm stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. A little sweat, adrenaline and pushing out of my comfort zone, and I was out of my funk.  I was back in control of me.

Not to mention a teensy bit spent.

I don't have to sit in my sadness. What I have to do is move. Literally and figuratively.  I know this, but it's so easy to forget and become complacent. That was so yesterday...this is today. I kicked complacency to the curb!  

We finished the hard work and relaxed into a steady pace (18mph) for the return trip. We engaged in laughter and conversation and I was reminded how very lucky I am. My life is filled with wonderful friends (who get me) old and new, a supportive family and so many blessings.  I get to work when I want and be free to indulge in my little cycling/triathlon obsession.  We chatted about our family, upcoming races and our plans for training. The smile returned to my face, my eyes twinkled (happiness or allergies?) and I felt like myself.  Happy.

The rest of the day was spent with my kids. I went shopping with my daughter and then we picked my son up from lacrosse practice.  It was peaceful enjoying their company on the drive home.  They were both in silly moods and we joked and laughed. Good stuff.

My daughter's surgery is scheduled for Monday, June 10.  I have pulled out of my first triathlon, which was slated for June 9 in Kansas. I need to be in Indianapolis. I am in acceptance, and this time the acceptance comes in the right way. She is my priority. It was a no brainer. We are very optimistic that all will go well.

We can easily get off our game from time to time. It's part of being human. For me, I just have to remember that when this happens I don't have to be so hard on myself. I need to alleviate stress by taking time to engage in an activity to get out of myself, such as cranking my bike to 26-30mph. The release of endorphins is a proven mood enhancer!  Then I need to relax.  Meditate. It's a balance.  I love to push my body to it's limits, yet know I must be careful with my soul.

As I lounge in bed writing, I feel that I am correctly placed on my proverbial teeter-totter today. My inside matches my outside, as it should.

I want to give  special shout out to my coach, Catherine. Her strength is to be admired and emulated, and being in her presence was just what I needed today.  Also to my good friends Lisa and Monika who are always there for me and to Marcy, who I got to know a little better today. You all brought sunshine to me today and reminded me that I'm amazing.  (If I do say so myself).

It's great to be back!

Peace, out

Three Mountains

Well, my bike and gear are loaded, my bags are packed and at 7am tomorrow morning I'm off on my next adventure...the 3 State 3 Mountain Challenge, in Chattenooga, TN. By now I am sure you have gathered I am a little, shall we say, daring. I see the word challenge and it's too good to pass up.

I love a fast pace line!  Adrenaline anyone?

It seems as if it was just a short time ago, as I was musing about the 2013 race season plans, I may have mentioned this event. And here we are!  It is hard to believe today is May 2 and the season is underway.

I'm ready. I've trained for climbing and I am (for the most part) confident going into this weekend. My goal is to relax and enjoy the day. The only kink in the plan is there is a 70% chance of rain on Saturday. Alas, as always I am putting a positive light upon the forecast and am hopeful for sunshine. (Smile, with fingers crossed.)

I am traveling in good company. I have the great fortune to have made some pretty wonderful friends who share the love for the sport of cycling and triathlon. The group I am traveling with has participated in this event many times in the past, but for me it will be a first. I'm psyched!  In one day we will cycle 100 miles, cover 3 states and 3 mountains with rolling hills in between. The start is in Tennessee, then traveling through a portion of Alabama, part of Georgia then back to Tennessee. The rain will add to the challenge.

http://www.chattbike.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=63&Itemid=37

I will update you, and hopefully have photos to share after the weekend!  I hope you have a splendid weekend as well, and happy Cinco de Mayo!!