As I went through my usual morning reading, meditation and yoga practice, I quieted my mind and reflected upon the last week. It had been a very emotional, stressful week. It culminated with tears last evening. It's true what they say, there is nothing like a good cry. I released the tension in that cry. Let go. This morning as I moved and stretched my body, I felt completely refreshed. Happy. Hopeful.
Leading up to my good, solid cry was a week during which I felt as if I was in a rut. Professionally and personally. I was beginning to doubt myself as a writer, athlete and person. I had been on an emotional roller coaster and was out of sorts. I had lashed out at people who are important to me, yet I didn't really know why. I could say it was out of fear, and it likely was, however I'm tired of accepting fear. It's held me in it's chains for too long. It seemed as if I was in the same place in life I had been for quite a long time. Stuck in that proverbial rut. And it was as if I had become comfortable there, complacent in my fear of climbing out of it. There is comfort in routine, even detrimental routine. It would take strength to climb out of it, and it would be hard. The tears came, and became the release that would turn into becoming the push I needed.
Then, late last evening came a conversation with a colleague whom I greatly respect. A fellow writer, who had sent me a message acknowledging a recent piece I had published. He said "Thank You", and advised he had shared my work on several media outlets.
The expression "I'm right where I need to be at this moment" came to my mind. Something clicked inside of me and a feeling of lightness came over me. It was a small thing to him, but it meant a great deal to me. Inspiration surrounds me, I just wasn't seeing it. I wasn't willing. I had unwittingly closed myself off to the opportunity for creativity and happiness.
There have been some wonderful things that have come into my life. Instead of focusing on the wonderful, amazing blessings, I had remained closed. Choosing worry and doubt over happiness and freedom. I was languishing in their shackles. No more. Last night I let go.
I had been writing, but I hadn't really been writing from my soul. I had been existing, but I had not been living to my full potential.
During my brief conversation with my colleague, I expressed that I had been in that rut and that his sharing of my work had given me a boost, for which I thanked him. He said "It's not a rut, it's how life works. It's recharging your creative energy for writing. Just like everything in life, things need time to grow." I found this to be so moving. Not only had I been recharging creative energy for writing, but also for living.
Today, I am feeling inspired, open and loving. Finally. The same birds are still chirping happily as the full, beautiful sunshine touches my shoulders. Freedom.