Does it come down to simply putting the puzzle pieces together? Fill in the gaps by facing obstacles? Or is it deeper than that?
Recently, I have noticed my defense mode has been on overdrive and I have not been my true self. I've been arguing my points to death. Even compartmentalizing. This revelation was eye opening. It seems I have allowed fear to creep back in. I have become complacent, and fear has gotten hold of me again.
Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat which causes me to quickly pull away and usually hide. It is a basic survival mechanism. Fear is basically the trait that causes the urge to confront or flee. Sink or swim. Kill or be killed (figuratively speaking). It's my go-to character defect that pops up from time to time. A skill (for lack of a better word) I have used my entire life to cope with what can be my skewed perception of reality.
Can I learn from my mistakes? Yes I can. I cannot go back and erase, but I can move forward and make amends by my future actions.
From early childhood fear has held me in it's grips. I was a shy child, who worried endlessly. A quiet teenager who avoided social engagements. In college I became a rebellious, wild girl wearing a mask of defiance. Later I approached adulthood by falsely shielding myself by isolating for so many years. Pretending that everything was perfect. Slowly dying.
In recent years, I've made great changes. I've written about this in the past. It all stems from facing fear. This will apparently always be something that I will have to be diligent about. Not allowing complacency to creep in.
Live happily....joyous and free.
Have I spent so much time focusing on other areas in my life....training, work, kids, etc. that I've lost focus on myself? In my experience, if I'm not working on me I am actually working against me. I need to rein it in.
The beauty of the wisdom I've gained from others is that I can start over at any time. Fear doesn't have to control me today.
I have the tools to put the puzzle together. It doesn't matter what it looks like on the outside. What matters is how functional it is on the inside. Sometimes life is good when it's not perfect. My imperfections make me who I am. Ultimately it comes down to my choices on how to handle my imperfections which will allow me to live happily.
This morning was a time for quiet reflection and yoga meditation. Centering myself and getting into gratitude.
There will be no hiding today. There will be no take no prisoners mentality. There will be Nimsy in her truest form; herself.
Peace xoxo
In recent years, I've made great changes. I've written about this in the past. It all stems from facing fear. This will apparently always be something that I will have to be diligent about. Not allowing complacency to creep in.
Live happily....joyous and free.
Have I spent so much time focusing on other areas in my life....training, work, kids, etc. that I've lost focus on myself? In my experience, if I'm not working on me I am actually working against me. I need to rein it in.
The beauty of the wisdom I've gained from others is that I can start over at any time. Fear doesn't have to control me today.
I have the tools to put the puzzle together. It doesn't matter what it looks like on the outside. What matters is how functional it is on the inside. Sometimes life is good when it's not perfect. My imperfections make me who I am. Ultimately it comes down to my choices on how to handle my imperfections which will allow me to live happily.
This morning was a time for quiet reflection and yoga meditation. Centering myself and getting into gratitude.
There will be no hiding today. There will be no take no prisoners mentality. There will be Nimsy in her truest form; herself.
Peace xoxo
