Wednesday, May 15, 2013

When is Acceptance too Much


When is acceptance too much?  I'm finding myself in a position of complacency in certain areas of my life, and I don't like that.  To be complacent translates to stagnancy.  This is preventing me from putting forth my true self. In realization of this, I find myself at a crossroads.  Do I continue on or do I pull myself back to a place of balance?  I think we know the answer to that question...

Let me elaborate.  There is a person in my life who is very important to me. This person appears in my life from time to time, stays for a bit then inevitably pushes me away.  It's almost as if it's a game to them.  I'm quite certain it isn't, but sometimes it seems as such. It really hurts. I fall for it every time and it frustrates the hell out of me. I am an intelligent person. I can see the writing on the wall very clearly, yet I pretend it's not there.  I keep hoping things will change and the relationship will be different.

However, when does hope cross the line to foolishness?  It seems I have become a doormat. I am always there, always eager to embrace.  I find myself repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results; insanity.  Being in acceptance of something beyond my control is the way I've chosen to live my life today, but in this instance am I approaching acceptance in the manner I should?  Or am I using it as a tool to cling to an old idea or belief that something will change?

Well, as soon as I put that down on paper t's as if a light bulb flickered on in my mind.  I deserve more.  I deserve to have respectful, genuine relationships with family and friends.



There comes a time in life where I have to take off my emotional blinders and get tough.  Acceptance becomes too much when I begin to accept treatment that is actually detrimental to me.

The inevitable disappointment that comes with this relationship breeds bitterness in me. Oh, it hurts. I have cast myself as the victim once more. I protest being placed in that role, yet I'm allowing it to happen. The expression "we teach people how to treat us" rings true. I have been weak and have taken the "wait and see" approach, rather than having strength in my own convictions, which further frustrates me. I have not been recognizing this, even though friends and family have repeatedly pointed it out. That changes today. Writing this post is helping me to sort things out. Things that I haven't necessarily wanted to face. I'm putting facts around the situation and am facing it now.

I'm not letting go of hope, as hope is ingrained in my soul.  I'm an eternal optimist, as you probably know. Hope is even tattooed on my wrist.


It is wonderful to have hope, have faith that a positive outcome will be forthcoming.  But hope must be tempered with intellect and positive action.

Acceptance over what I cannot control is important, but it has to be balanced.  Faith without works is dead (James 2:17).  Without action, hope departs.

Life is a delicate balance.  What brings authenticity to my life today is the ability to catch myself, pinpoint the issue and take action to put myself back on track.  I don't have to stay bitter or in resentment today. That's powerful.  With this balance, I can once again break out of the victim role and recapture the strength that is my very core today.

Journal entry: 101

Thank you for listening.  Peace, out

13 comments:

  1. You've got the answer Michelle, but there should always be hope. Maybe it's about degrees of hope(?)

    If unhappy, waiting is very difficult (overly tentative & lazy???); better to try & make things happen I'm thinking.
    Cheers, ic

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    1. Yes Ian, my motto for the day is to "Try something different". What I've been doing in this instance is not working, so why not? :) You know I'm never going to be without hope. I'm not one for giving up :)

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  2. It is tough to be in the situation you are in, if I were you I would be looking for someone more committal each time they left you behind, then maybe one day you won't feel like leaving the welcome mat out for them anymore. It is nice to have hope and all, but people rarely change in the way you wish them to, in fact from my experience, I dare say, they never do.

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    1. So true!!! It's another life lesson...and will only make me stronger in the end.

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  3. I have been there Michelle and it's a close family member. The situation has hurt not only me, but my son. Holding onto hope can be difficult in these circumstances. But letting go is very liberating and sometimes, it is exactly what we need. Peace is my wish for you.

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    1. Yes....if a bond is so strong, as are the feelings, it's seemingly impossible to face not holding on to that person. I'm a true believer in turning it over and when the time is right, if it is right....it will come back. Thank you Penny :)

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  4. What's good about all of this is the fact that you can clearly see what is going on and how you have been reacting to it. Nobody on earth can use or abuse you unless you allow them to, and never forget that. If you keep allowing someone to step on your toes, then they will until they finally crush you. So take a step back and move out of the way, allowing them to continue 'walking', if you know what I mean.

    You've got so far in life from where you once was, so don't allow anything to stop you moving forward and upwards. Sometimes, things or people purposely get in your way because they are not happy with where you are going!!!

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    1. RPD that is so very true, and is exactly what I've been doing. Taking a step back, yet moving forward on my own path is exactly what I need to do. Enabling is not working! Thank you :)

      p.s. Glad BC is back up and running! When are you posting?

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  5. These are the hardest types of relationships because you always hold out hope something will be different and that person will see you for all that you are. Sadly, some people are only capable of giving so much, and it's not what you need or desire. You have all the answers. Now comes the hard part: putting them into practice.
    PS-I love your new FB profile pic. You look so carefree!

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    1. Thank you Lana!! I so agree with your comments. It helps to hear from others who are outside of my situation, and you have echoed what I've felt but have not wanted to recognize.

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  6. I have been in a similar situation in the past and was always left feeling like I gave more than I ever received from the relationship. I was always there, always available, but didn't always get the same in return. It is a hard decision to choose to move past this type of thing. I know you can do it because you are such a strong person!

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  7. Thanks, Jen!!! You are sweet :) I'm getting there!!!

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  8. Michelle, I have known people like that. When does hope cross the line to foolishness is a good question. I was never quite sure either. I’ve been through the frustrating experience of repeating the same thing over and over but expecting different results too. You’ve got the right attitude about it. I think writing these things out really helps. You are the eternal optimist, hope tattooed on your wrist, I love it! :)

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