When is acceptance too much? I'm finding myself in a position of complacency in certain areas of my life, and I don't like that. To be complacent translates to stagnancy. This is preventing me from putting forth my true self. In realization of this, I find myself at a crossroads. Do I continue on or do I pull myself back to a place of balance? I think we know the answer to that question...
Let me elaborate. There is a person in my life who is very important to me. This person appears in my life from time to time, stays for a bit then inevitably pushes me away. It's almost as if it's a game to them. I'm quite certain it isn't, but sometimes it seems as such. It really hurts. I fall for it every time and it frustrates the hell out of me. I am an intelligent person. I can see the writing on the wall very clearly, yet I pretend it's not there. I keep hoping things will change and the relationship will be different.
However, when does hope cross the line to foolishness? It seems I have become a doormat. I am always there, always eager to embrace. I find myself repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results; insanity. Being in acceptance of something beyond my control is the way I've chosen to live my life today, but in this instance am I approaching acceptance in the manner I should? Or am I using it as a tool to cling to an old idea or belief that something will change?
Well, as soon as I put that down on paper t's as if a light bulb flickered on in my mind. I deserve more. I deserve to have respectful, genuine relationships with family and friends.
There comes a time in life where I have to take off my emotional blinders and get tough. Acceptance becomes too much when I begin to accept treatment that is actually detrimental to me.
The inevitable disappointment that comes with this relationship breeds bitterness in me. Oh, it hurts. I have cast myself as the victim once more. I protest being placed in that role, yet I'm allowing it to happen. The expression "we teach people how to treat us" rings true. I have been weak and have taken the "wait and see" approach, rather than having strength in my own convictions, which further frustrates me. I have not been recognizing this, even though friends and family have repeatedly pointed it out. That changes today. Writing this post is helping me to sort things out. Things that I haven't necessarily wanted to face. I'm putting facts around the situation and am facing it now.
I'm not letting go of hope, as hope is ingrained in my soul. I'm an eternal optimist, as you probably know. Hope is even tattooed on my wrist.
It is wonderful to have hope, have faith that a positive outcome will be forthcoming. But hope must be tempered with intellect and positive action.
Acceptance over what I cannot control is important, but it has to be balanced. Faith without works is dead (James 2:17). Without action, hope departs.
Life is a delicate balance. What brings authenticity to my life today is the ability to catch myself, pinpoint the issue and take action to put myself back on track. I don't have to stay bitter or in resentment today. That's powerful. With this balance, I can once again break out of the victim role and recapture the strength that is my very core today.
Journal entry: 101
Thank you for listening. Peace, out