It made me wonder. Do I do that?
Do I hold certain people close to me and put them in an important place in my heart when they may not feel the same way? Do I hold on when I should let go? Am I being careless with my heart? It prompted me to really look at the relationships I have in my life.
It made me wonder if I could be investing my thoughts, energy and time in some friendships when the other person could take it or leave it. The thought of that was a little unsettling and I suddenly felt vulnerable. For me, to give myself to another person, to really let go and trust that person is a big deal. If I've let you into my heart, you must be pretty special.
Someone told me recently that she admired how I dealt with conflict and pain squarely and with strength. I suppose this is true. I have certainly been through quite a bit in my life. I've learned to face difficulties, deal with them and move on.
I'll get deeper into my story later....but I've learned a lot in recent years and have done a lot of work on myself. I do not run from pain or sadness today, but let myself feel it. Same with love and happiness. After all, life is too short to be numb. We have emotions for a reason....we should let ourselves feel them. Sometimes it's euphoric happiness, and sometimes it's sadness. Better to face them head on then run from them.
"Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option." It sounds so cold and callous the more I think about it. It almost sounds like a warning.
I'm wondering why a random post could give me such pause. Why I am suddenly doubting myself and my relationships? We are all protective of our hearts and we are all vulnerable. To give and not be given the same in return...that is potentially devastating. It makes me wonder if I should be more careful with my heart and not trust so easily. Hold back. Just how vulnerable am I willing to be? Am I willing to risk being hurt?
Honestly, I am willing. I want to feel. I am a happy person today down to my core. I believe that if I treat people with love and respect it will be reciprocated. After all, isn't that how it works? To love and be loved? To trust and be trustworthy? To put myself out there and be genuine at the risk of getting hurt? Hell yes!
People that I've developed a bond with and that are important to me are my priority. Love and friendships are the cornerstone of life. To give of myself freely is how I am. I suppose I am a risk taker.
I really have to wonder what life would be like if I held everyone at arms length. If I didn't let myself trust others and love people at the risk of being foolish or getting hurt. If there was no closeness in my relationships with friends. My first thought is, it would be very lonely. The bond that holds others dear is a lifeline to happiness.
The road I am on is paved with life experiences. Through these experiences, good or bad, happy or sad I grow. To fall down and then get back up again and move forward, that is how I approach life today.
I have choices today, remember?
Today I choose to be the person I've grown into. The girl who gives freely of her heart. The girl who looks for a smile and happiness around every corner. Positive rather than negative.
I am willing....but I will also be smart about it. That is honesty. That is what this blog about.