Thursday, April 25, 2013

Forgiveness...the Missing Piece

"To err is human, (to forgive, divine)" I've had the "err" part down, it's the forgiveness piece that I struggled with. The importance of being able to forgive escaped me. I am only beginning to understand that the act of forgiveness is for myself, not the other person, and that when I acknowledge and forgive I may then be free to move forward.


In what I fondly refer to as "my former life", it seemed I was a bubbling pot of anger, resentment and depression. If someone wronged me (or if I perceived such an occurrence) I would immediately shut down and close myself off to that person. It was a defense mechanism run awry.

I excelled in the role of victim. In my reflection today upon that time of my life, it became obvious to me I may have enjoyed befitting the self-imposed victim role on some level. As twisted as that may sound, there was power there. I don't think I ever took responsibility for my part in anything. I was dishonest, even with myself. Sad, really. For many years I was so lost. And I lost so very much.

A large part of my self awareness and growth in recent years has a lot to do with my learning how to forgive. And it comes down to honesty. In every situation I have a part. Things don't just happen to me, and I am not a victim. I have to look at what my responsibility is first...always.  What are my motives? Mark my words, a lot of the time I owe an amends for my own actions in the situation. If I keep myself honest and take care of my own domain then I've done the right thing. And that's all I can do.  The next right thing. Once I take care of my part, I am open to heal and to forgive.

It was exhausting holding onto grudges. They were extremely heavy! Dragging them around like a ball and chain. It is no wonder I was depressed. Today, I am slow to anger.  I am not saying that I never get mad or upset.  I am human, not perfect and I do get angry from time to time. The difference today is when the anger arises I handle it immediately. View my part, deal with the situation and move on.  There is no more clinging to resentment as if a blanket, for it has no place in my life today.




With a lighter, less complicated life I am free to be the positive girl that writes her heart out. You know, that's why I am writing. I feel compelled to put the truth out there. No more hiding. Here I am, like me or leave me.  Today, I am no longer lost but found.

Peace...

17 comments:

  1. Nicely put.
    What we think of others & how we treat others does have a personal impact I think. Yep, holding grudges for example.

    There is a price if we dwell on such poison.
    Cheers, ic

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    1. Ian that is an excellent description...poison. Very fitting!

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  2. It feels like you have a whole new life after letting go, doesn't it? Great share!

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  3. I love this post. I can definitely relate to the bubbling pot of anger and living with a victim mentality. As I am currently working on releasing those demons that are holding me back, your post was a nice view of the future that lay ahead for me in time.

    Thanks!

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    1. Thank you, Kevin. It's a daily work in progress, but so worth it. I am finding myself and discovering that I kinda like me! :) Good luck...it helps to write it out!

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  4. There is a great message in this post! I too did some work around forgiveness. I had to go from "Why should I forgive them, they did _____ to me!" to being willing to forgive for no other reason that I am only responsible for my side of the street. It was truly powerful!

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    1. So true Anita! I was that way and thought I was above forgiving others. I'd show them with silent scorn! That didn't get me very far. :)

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  5. What an awesome and heart felt post. Loved it! We all can learn from this one, and it's so very very true! Thanks for sharing this blog with everyone.

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  6. And I am SO glad I found you too. Forgiveness is indeed for the forgiver. Holding onto grudges makes you a hostage and who can enjoy life that way? I'm so happy for you and your new perspective on life. And happiest that I get to share in it!!

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    1. I am grateful for my fellow bloggers....and our little group of B.A. :) We can learn so much from each other. Blessed!

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  7. Forgiving is a wonderful thing, as they say it sets YOU free.

    I do not believe in "forgive and forget" however, as remembering is sometimes a vital defense mechanism, those actions they did that upset you, sometimes reveal their true nature, which will one day may surface again, and again.

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    1. I agree...I don't live with regret, but I think it's important not to forget. Reminders of past mistakes keeps me in the moment and helps me not to repeat the offenses. Not that I've made any. ha ha ha ha ha :)

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  8. This is so true. I really wish that everyone in my family (siblings and my mother) would read this and try to learn how to truly forgive and move on.

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    1. Oh Jen I hope that forgiveness happens. I'll be thinking about you. Take care of you first!! xo

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