Peaceful Solitude

Maybe it's just me, but do vacations leave little time for rest?  I seem to cram so many activities into my vacations that there is little time left for rest and relaxation. Until I collapse into my bed at the end of the day. It is the second to last day of Spring Break and I'm exhausted!  I don't expect you to feel sorry for me, of course.

I come to you today from the balcony of the condo I'm renting for the week in Gulf Breeze, Florida.  It is a breezy, cool morning and the cloud cover is slightly gray with patches of bright blue peeking through.  I can hear the roar of the surf, and smell the salty air.  I am still in my blue silk nightgown, as I am the only one present.  It is so peaceful.  I'm smiling as I sip my morning coffee from a slightly chipped mug.

Today promises to be quiet.  Everyone else is deep sea fishing.  I do not bode well on small sea vessels so I elected to stay behind.  I am not a fisherman.  I still have nightmares about putting the earthworm on the fish hook and sobbing as a child. I felt sorry for the gross little bugger. I have no clue as to the bait used for the larger fish which are the promised find today, and frankly I don't need to know. Plus, being seasick is not high on my bucket list (been there, done that and it was not pretty).  I made the decision to remain on land, and am now catching up on some work, and of course my blog. I'm planning to go for a long run in a little bit and later I plan to park myself on a lounge chair on the beach.  Feeling sorry for me yet?

I am not complaining by any means.  I think I'm just feeling a little disconnected from the real world.  But that's the point of a vacation, right?  I should practice what I preach and live in the moment. Chill.  Admittedly being still is an area I need additional practice.  It drives me a little nuts when there isn't something on the agenda.  There....that unlocks the door to the meaning of why I'm exhausted.  Sudden "light bulb" moment.  I probably should have left my computer at home and taken a real break. But that would not have been wise, as I must have my creative outlet.  My fellow writers out there will certainly back me on that one.  To completely unplug is just not going to happen.  Unless the power goes out, then I'll have to deal.

My outlets are what keep me balanced.  My bike made the journey with me (of course) and so did my trusty Macbook Pro.  It's really which outlet we choose in life that matters.  In my previous existence my outlets were not wise, and I made many negative choices.  Today my outlets are healthy. I exercise, I write and I practice yoga/meditation.  Body, mind, spirit.  Occasionally I will indulge myself.  Peanut butter, the nectar of the gods and dark chocolate.  Naughty yet nice.  Just like me.  (smile)

I have been productive and have worked on my book.  Trying hard to burst the fear bubble that surrounds making progress and (gasp) having someone else read it.  It's one thing for the content to be real and from my gut and onto the computer....it's yet another to actually share it.  The old nagging fear raises it's ugly head.  I will smash it, however.  Every word is a step on the bridge to letting go.  Releasing a part of myself, as the raw Michelle is shown in my writing.  I'm holding nothing back.  By saying this am I justifying my fear?  Perhaps, but I'm also putting it out there.  It's not such a secret anymore.  Stay tuned.

Well I'm off to my run, then to my lounge chair in the sun.  Of course, as I am sitting soaking in the sun I will be anxiously awaiting the return of the seafaring group.  Then hopefully I'll have fish to cook for dinner.  (I do love to eat it!!) See you soon....

Peace, out.