Monday, March 4, 2013

Messing with my Mojo

As far as weekends go, I would say this was a quiet one.  My daughter was away at a church retreat so the house was a tad empty.  I spent the bulk of the time watching my son, Nick play basketball.  And when we weren't at the Fieldhouse I was cleaning out closets.  I know....exciting.  But sometimes quiet weekends can be pretty great.  I had a lot of time to reflect and write. The weather was perfect for a run this afternoon, and I knocked out my scheduled 10 miles with a new killer playlist. (I'm addicted to Spotify...if you don't have it, trust me you have to check it out!)  The cold run meant more time to reflect, jam out and mind blog.  a.k.a daydream. Which is always fun.

What's on my mind blog today? Unfortunately not a pleasant day dream.  Instead I was reflecting on some drama. Remember not too long ago when I wrote about choosing to surround myself with positive people without drama?  Intention is one thing, reality is yet another.

It is not a perfect world, I'm not perfect and I'm not surrounded by perfect people. I have come to the conclusion that the only thing in this life I can control is me.  I can only determine how I respond.  There are a few people in my life now that are, let's just say...complicated.  They mess with my mojo.

There was a time in my life that I was steeped in turbulence. If my life became serene I would search out chaos. Looking back upon that time, I believe that my unconscious thought process was if I was surrounded with melodrama and chaotic situations, I would be taken out of my pain. Drama diversion if you will. It really didn't work, and my emotional pain only increased. Still, I held on to those ideas for many years. I was extremely unhealthy. I was always angry. I was so miserable.

I don't know exactly what made me stop.  One day I just made the decision to put my bad behavior behind me.  I did it and never looked back.  Day by day I worked on myself from the inside out. I gradually grew into a woman I actually like and am proud of.  I didn't much like myself during the drama era, which is what I've named it.  I can't remember the last time I was angry.  Change started with me, and I continue that into the present.  I can only control Michelle.  Not others or their stuff.  Just my stuff.

There are days, like today, when I have to make a decision. I can either let this person get to me and fester in the situation or I can let it go. I can react immediately or I can take myself out of the situation for the meantime and then address it later.  Pause.

I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Practice random acts of kindness.  It's how I roll today, and I couldn't be happier.

The next time someone pushes your buttons, try pausing.  It works, I promise.

Serenity is now. Drama is so yesterday.
Peace friends,


  1. There are definitely people who seem to seek out chaos & turbulence; cannot exist without it. It's interesting that creative types sometimes thrive on that also. It must be just so draining.

    I'm thinking it's pretty good to remember those times in the serenity of now.
    Cheers, ic

    1. I so agree! It was draining. I do look back from time to time so I remember the chaos and so I don't go back to it!

  2. I definitely agree with what Iancochrane has said in his comment. Those who spend all day causing chaos and drama intentionally must be totally drained in spirit and heart I guess. And it must be one hell of a horrible life to be permanently angry.
    All you can do Michelle, is learn from those old mistakes and be a better person, not only for you, but also for the sake of your children. Kids learn so much from their parents beit good or bad.
    Keep it calm, you'll live longer :)

  3. I like your ending thought, Michelle: "Serenity is now, drama is so yesterday." I had a very similar experience a few years ago when I was in the midst of a complicated divorce and an even more complicated long-distance relationship. I realized that I brought a lot of displeasure onto myself by inviting drama into my life, and trying to control other people and situations. In a supreme moment of clarity (I was sitting on a plane, heading back to Atlanta from LA), I let it all go, and decided that to be happy, I needed to live in the moment. It helped that I was sitting next to a cool guy who was into Zen; we talked about Zen and the Tao Te Ching the whole way home! Great post.

  4. There was once a saint who while bathing in a river saw a scorpion drowning. He took pity on it and started picking it up to fling it back to the shore but the moment he touched it he was immediately stung. He paused for a few moments and tried it again but was stung yet again. It went on for some time when a man who was watching it all from the shores called out the saint, 'What a fool you are! Why are you bothering with that creature?' The saint smiled and replied quietly, 'The scorpion is doing its best what it is good at and I am trying to do what I am good at!'

    Now imagine, you are surrounded by several scorpions and, of course, you are the saint!

  5. That's what they say--just take a deep breath. It is really hard to control anger but nine times out of ten, if you can just step back and wait, after awhile you realize how silly it was to get worked up about it!

  6. Excellent post. Really like your thought on this, Michelle, and I can relate. Change does start with us as individuals. I am constantly battling the same thing here at home. When surrounded by negativity, it can be hard to keep up the positive side, but for me, blogging helps a lot, and the dogs. That quote is perfect. Treating others the way you want to be treated and random acts of kindness, that’s uplifting and the only way to roll any day.

  7. Loved the peace that was reflecting through your words.. and I do share your thoughts as well. Its important to be surrounded by positive people. For positivism and optimism goes a long way in finding your inner self.. Enjoyed reading. I am a member of Blogging Addicts. Already liked your pages and is now following you at GFC.

  8. Ugh, I really need to practice this more! I don't actually do drama though... Well, not all the time anyway... I do try and keep myself away from it, but sometimes, you really can't help it. I do find myself getting angry though... A LOT. I'm trying my best to pause and for the most part it works. I still have a long way to go!!