Survival of the Strongest

I have many roles in life, but first and foremost I am a mother. As I spent some time with my daughter this morning, I was reminded of how grateful I am for the solid relationship I have with her. I feel compelled to write about it today.

Several years ago, when I made the decision to make significant changes in my life, I did so for myself. I slowly shed the skin of the person I had become. I needed to do that for me or I knew I would die. Yet, after years of hard work and immense growth I have heightened awareness of the impact all of this had on my children. This is increasingly apparent more and more each day as they get older. 

I had basically given up.  I was a hot mess.  I was a shell of a person. I had become complacent with the way things were and I wasn’t living but simply existing. I had no hope and seemed to be stuck in quicksand. I was oblivious to the fact that by giving up on myself I was giving up on the people in my life that really mattered, my children. My son was very young at the time, but my daughter was eleven.  A pivotal age.  I am quite sure she didn’t like me very much, which made two of us.  She became closed off and struggled in school.

Then came the turnaround.  Complete 360.  I snapped out of it and got with the program.  Thank God.

Today, my daughter is a beautiful, strong young woman who gives freely of herself.  She is intelligent, open and caring. We are incredibly close.  This morning was a perfect example of this.  I took her to a local church because she had accepted a volunteer gig to give her time and her skills as an artist on behalf of the art department at her high school.  She was asked to do this and she agreed without hesitation.  On our way to the church, we engaged in conversation, which is typical practice for us these days.  It was an intelligent conversation about some things that are on her mind. It was an exchange that grabbed my heart and filled me with pride. After dropping her off at the entrance, I parked for a few minutes to reflect upon my gratitude.  My teenaged daughter wants to spend time with me.  She communicates with me openly about teen issues like school, drugs or alcohol, her boyfriend and struggles she has.  I appreciate this for what it is, a very rare gift.  I trust her and she trusts me.  Priceless.  I am grateful beyond words, and I don't take it lightly.  This would not have happened if I hadn't changed.  I can't even bring myself to entertain "what if's".  I have to focus on the now and take one day at a time.  Forward, not backward!  No regret, because we are all stronger today and for that I am grateful.  What doesn't kill ya.....

I am happy today but more importantly my kids are happy.  They are strong and confident.  I firmly believe they have learned from the tragic mistakes I've made and by seeing how I've overcome the obstacles I had put in my way.  My relationship with both of my children is now firmly planted on solid ground.

There is snow coming down, so we are hoping for a snow day!  Weird, it's only a week away from Spring Break.  But I'm not complaining, because life is good today.

Peace out!
xoxo