Believe

On this Easter Sunday I am counting my blessings. At this moment I am grateful for my family, good health, positive spirit, wonderful friends, the chance for rebirth and the joyous laughter of my children. 

Count your blessings today!
He is Risen.

Happy Easter!

Fulfillment

Hey all, it's been quite a crazy week and I haven't had time to post a follow up to my waiting room experience.  Thank you for your comments of well wishes and inquiries as to my Mom's recovery. I am overwhelmed and in gratitude to you! Her surgery was a success and she is doing well.

My Mom remains in the hospital, but has been moved to the rehabilitation unit where the physical therapists can assist her in adjusting to walking on her brand new hip.  She is the 71 year old bionic woman, but she has always seemed that way to me.  I have to admit, I really haven't given much thought to my parents getting older.  They are my parents, and have always been so strong.  I am in denial (and more so when it comes to my own aging process).  But who wants to think about aging?

Hello, Michelle it's a part of life.  I know it's happening and there is no way around it.  I just don't want to think about it in terms of reality.  Ha, ha ha. This is a reminder that I can't go forward if I have my blinders on.  It's all about acceptance.  (Deep sigh)

My parents are very prepared. They are much more reality driven than their free-spirited daughter. When my father retired several years ago they moved to the Indianapolis area to be close to me.  They have arrangements in place for long term care, or nursing home care. Their current home is a one level dwelling and is handicap accessible. They have made their wishes known to me in terms of the "what-if's".  Basically, all the bases are covered.

They are in complete acceptance of their stage in life. I have always known my parents were practical folks, and they are demonstrating this to me again.  It seems odd for me to say, but I am proud of them.  (smile)

I am grateful to be in the position to be supportive.  To give back. It is another piece in place as I walk on the path of progression to my better self. The confidence my parents have in me speaks volumes.  I've worked hard to restore this in our lives, and it gives me great pleasure to see the fruits of my labor come to fruition.

As I hold my mother's hand in her recovery I am grateful.  She is progressing well and I have no doubt she will be back to her regular activities in no time.

Thank you once again for your kind thoughts, I really appreciate it!
See you soon.

The Waiting Room

I find myself in the waiting room of the hospital...again. My mother is having surgery to replace her broken hip. As you may know, waiting patiently is not my specialty. My Dad is sitting next to me reading The Hunger Games on his Kindle. As I scrutinize his face, he appears completely at ease.  He is well practiced in the virtue of patience. We were told the procedure would take 3 hours. My father has been in many waiting rooms in his 48 year career as Episcopal priest and more recently, Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Kansas. My impatience clearly was not inherited from him. (Although being a "preacher's kid" I gave him plenty of opportunities to be impatient with me and my shenanigans through the years.) I personally have witnessed him being less than patient. But I digress. (Although that would be an interesting future post.) Juicy!

Five weeks ago my mother suffered a fall which resulted in a broken hip. She had surgery to repair the break and pins were placed. She faced a lengthy recovery. It was anticipated she could not put full weight on her left leg for three months.  She was incredibly uncomfortable and depressed.  It was difficult for her to get in and out of the house. Long story short at a follow up visit last week an X-ray revealed the pins had come loose and that a total hip replacement was necessary. So here we are again. In the same waiting room.  But I have to say she was very positive as she was wheeled into surgery and that put me more at ease.

As I look around the room I see that I am surrounded by an eclectic group. There is a woman sitting across from me rapidly consuming a large bag of Cheetos which she washes down with an 18oz bottle of cola. I reserve judgement. There is a group of family members who collectively appear to have arguably the greatest tattoo collection in Indianapolis. There is an elderly woman clutching the hand of a beautiful young woman sitting next to her. The younger woman strokes her hand lovingly. I wonder if they are waiting to hear about the woman's husband, the young woman's father?  Then there is the receptionist who, appearing bored beyond belief, is thumbing through her magazine for the third time.

As a journalist I tend to be observant. Ok, nosy. I'll admit it. As a writer it is a personality trait that comes in handy. People watching has always been a fun pastime for me. As I work on my deficient patience level, I typically engage in this activity. I find it soothing. I enjoy the act of creating a story for each one. Who knows, they might be replicated in character as part of a future written work of mine.

I have been here for an hour and I'm pleased to note that I am not feeling anxious or impatient.  Progress! I am relaxed in the knowledge that my mother is getting the care she needs and I am grateful to be present with my Dad during her surgery. We are comfortable in her capable physician, who has an excellent beside manner.  My Dad appreciates his humor and I appreciate the fact that he includes me in the conversations regarding my mother.  We are told her recovery time will be significantly reduced, as with her brand new hip she will be able to walk out of here unassisted when before a wheelchair was required. Good stuff.

So I'll close for now and return to people watching. I have a whole new group to study and they appear to be good material at first glance. Thank you for passing the time with me!

Survival of the Strongest

I have many roles in life, but first and foremost I am a mother. As I spent some time with my daughter this morning, I was reminded of how grateful I am for the solid relationship I have with her. I feel compelled to write about it today.

Several years ago, when I made the decision to make significant changes in my life, I did so for myself. I slowly shed the skin of the person I had become. I needed to do that for me or I knew I would die. Yet, after years of hard work and immense growth I have heightened awareness of the impact all of this had on my children. This is increasingly apparent more and more each day as they get older. 

I had basically given up.  I was a hot mess.  I was a shell of a person. I had become complacent with the way things were and I wasn’t living but simply existing. I had no hope and seemed to be stuck in quicksand. I was oblivious to the fact that by giving up on myself I was giving up on the people in my life that really mattered, my children. My son was very young at the time, but my daughter was eleven.  A pivotal age.  I am quite sure she didn’t like me very much, which made two of us.  She became closed off and struggled in school.

Then came the turnaround.  Complete 360.  I snapped out of it and got with the program.  Thank God.

Today, my daughter is a beautiful, strong young woman who gives freely of herself.  She is intelligent, open and caring. We are incredibly close.  This morning was a perfect example of this.  I took her to a local church because she had accepted a volunteer gig to give her time and her skills as an artist on behalf of the art department at her high school.  She was asked to do this and she agreed without hesitation.  On our way to the church, we engaged in conversation, which is typical practice for us these days.  It was an intelligent conversation about some things that are on her mind. It was an exchange that grabbed my heart and filled me with pride. After dropping her off at the entrance, I parked for a few minutes to reflect upon my gratitude.  My teenaged daughter wants to spend time with me.  She communicates with me openly about teen issues like school, drugs or alcohol, her boyfriend and struggles she has.  I appreciate this for what it is, a very rare gift.  I trust her and she trusts me.  Priceless.  I am grateful beyond words, and I don't take it lightly.  This would not have happened if I hadn't changed.  I can't even bring myself to entertain "what if's".  I have to focus on the now and take one day at a time.  Forward, not backward!  No regret, because we are all stronger today and for that I am grateful.  What doesn't kill ya.....

I am happy today but more importantly my kids are happy.  They are strong and confident.  I firmly believe they have learned from the tragic mistakes I've made and by seeing how I've overcome the obstacles I had put in my way.  My relationship with both of my children is now firmly planted on solid ground.

There is snow coming down, so we are hoping for a snow day!  Weird, it's only a week away from Spring Break.  But I'm not complaining, because life is good today.

Peace out!
xoxo

Countdown to Ironman Kansas 70.3

I have exactly twelve weeks until my first race of the season.  To some, that may sound like a long time.  Three months.  But when training for an Ironman 70.3 race, and one that is dubbed "a tough race", twelve weeks really isn't an abundance of time.  It's creeping up on me.  And while I have been training since January, I'm feeling the pressure to kick it up a notch.  I will swim 1.2 miles, then bike 56 miles topped off with a 13.1 mile run.  I want to be ready.  I WILL be ready!

I absolutely love the sport of triathlon.  The fact that I'm able to compete in long distances races is still something that gives me awe.  If you had asked me five years ago to consider covering 70.3 miles all at once I would have laughed!  Probably in your face, while telling you that you were crazy.  Not today.  I live for a challenge, and when one presents itself to me I'll take it.  In sports and in life.  Fear is a liar.  The challenge on my horizon is Ironman Kansas 70.3 on June 9, 2013.  Bring it.

Kansas is a prairie state, and with prairies come wind. This will play a factor in all three disciplines.

The swim is rumored to be in rough water, due to the winds. "Rumored" is an understatement, as every single person I've talked to who has raced Kansas has told me so.  I'm a little bit nervous because we have had a very cold pre-spring so far which means I will have limited open water swim training. Admittedly, I am not experienced in rough water swimming so that is another challenge.  I am hoping to be able to log some hours swimming in open water during April and May, but we shall see what Mother Nature has in store. For now, it's the pool 3-4 times a week.

The wind will affect the bike and the run as well, however I will have such conditions to train in the next twelve weeks so I'm not overly worried.  And you know how I love to ride and run.

As I write this, excitement is seeping from my pores.  I love race season!  My coach and several friends raced this weekend, and while cheering them it became real that race season is on!  It may be 27 cold degrees outside today, but spring has sprung.  It's going to be a great year! As the time ticks by, I will keep you periodically informed of my progress!  Thank you for following along in the fun.  Let's do this!

Peace out,
xoxo

Oh What a Night

Today is my birthday. A day when it's all about me!  Of course I share this day with the masses celebrating St. Patrick's Day. The more the merrier!  Fun all around.  I spent the day immersed in the simple joys of life.

As I look back on the year, I am very grateful. It has been a wonderful time with many blessings. I have worked on myself, expanded my horizons and I have discovered that I genuinely like who I am today. There were some incredible highs and some exceptional lows, but with each experience came growth.  I am strong and happy today.

 Birthday Cake Courtesy of Kendall and Nick

One of the best things about this year was that I started this blog. Writing is part of my soul. Twenty years ago I put my writing on hold when I moved from Maryland to Indiana and got married. Next came children, and before I knew it I found myself a stay-at-home mom. I put my career and my dreams on a back burner to be Mommy. The more time that passed, the more complacent I became. I have no regret, don't get me wrong.  I am proud of my two teenaged children and my time spent raising them to young adulthood has been priceless.

I made the decision this year that I was no longer content with status quo. It was time to take back my own identity. The last five years of my life have been akin to starting over. I was given a second chance at life. I have gradually made life changes. And today I find myself wanting more. Needing more. Determined to do more.

Change came slowly, and as I've told you I'm not the most patient of girls. But I am learning. Gradual change has proven to be the most valuable. Good things come to those who wait, after all.

Expressing myself in the written word has given new depth to my life. Through this I've learned that it's never too late. I don't have to settle with what I've always done, I can start something new.  By letting go and taking risks I have gained insight through new adventures. I am being honest and I'm putting myself out there. I'm learning to step outside of my comfort zone. By having the courage to do so, I am freeing myself from the shackles in which fear has kept me bound. And it feels pretty damn great.

Today was a very special day. I was overwhelmed by the many well-wishes bestowed upon me. It's the love of friends and family that mean the most to me.  My kids made me cards and a birthday cake complete with SweetTarts Jellybeans.  I let myself indulge a little bit.  My day started with morning meditation and a kick-ass workout at The Cycle Studio surrounded by friends, then brunch with my family and an afternoon shopping with my daughter. And now I'm writing. Heaven.

So cheers to a new year. Bring it on. I am so glad you will be sharing it with me.

A Simple Phrase

Live Without Regret

Sometimes a simple phrase can make the most impact.

It did for me.