If you've been following along, you're most likely not surprised to see the title to this post. It was just a matter of time.
It's funny, as I scrolled through my blog history this evening, I was convinced that I surely had devoted a post to this subject. I was surprised I hadn't. I scrolled again. Nada. While I've mentioned my impatience problem in the past, I hadn't dedicated an entire post to it. The timing of this post seems appropriate as it coincides with teaching my sixteen year old daughter how to drive a car. Interesting parallel, eh?
I just have to laugh. My struggle with patience has become a source of humor to me. It has been brought to my attention a lot lately, for which I am grateful. One cannot work to improve if one is in ignorance (or denial) of the problem, right? Each time my patience is tested I get stronger. It's kind of funny, in that I'm finally coming to the realization...why rush? Why not just chill out and enjoy the trip. I'll get there eventually and when I do it will be worth the wait. Being impatient and rushing through life is just not the way I want to live today.
Kendall....I love this kid
Which brings me back to what inspired me to write about this today, yes...I am teaching my daughter to drive. The feeling of being in the passenger seat while she takes the drivers seat in my vehicle is humbling. I have absolutely no control, as my car is not equipped with a second steering wheel or brake. I have to relinquish my power and put myself in the hands of a child. If that is not a true test of patience, then what is? As a testament to my improved level of patience, we have gone driving five times in the last week and not one argument. She has been patient with my barrage of instructions, and I have in turn remained (relatively) calm when she navigates through traffic and the numerous round-a-bouts in Carmel. She specifically asked me, and me alone, to drive with her after one trip with her father.
Until now, I was convinced that my impatience was just part of my personality and that I would have to accept it. Well, that's just not going to happen. I have made great changes in recent years, why not keep going? If I know this is a problem then why not fix it? My life is so much happier and more peaceful if I am being patient and going with the flow. Life is precious and so damn short. It seems fitting to slow down, relax and enjoy it. The more practice in patience I exercise, the calmer and more serene I become. I can act like a grown up and not my shoe size.
The beauty of being patient with my daughter in our driving lessons is I get to slow down and spend time with her. Learning to drive is something she will always remember, and I want her to look back and remember that she enjoyed the time with me.
My parents used to gently say to me "Michelle, don't anticipate". They were right. It may have taken me awhile, but now I understand what they meant. And it's true we never stop learning.
I can't forget the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. I can't lament relationships I may have hurt with my issues of impatience and control. I can only go forward from here by putting what I've learned into action.