As I stare at the blank page I am struck by the overwhelming feeling of pause. It has been over a month since I've written a post for this, my personal blog. It started with a little procrastination. A few days passed. The days stretched into weeks.... And here it is September 11, 2013. Seems like a good day to get back to it.
While listening to the news this morning I was struck by the recount of 9/11 on the twelfth anniversary of the attacks on the United States. The pattern of broadcasts centered on people affected by the terrorist attacks rebuilding their lives, the area surrounding ground zero being established as a beautiful memorial site and service men and women who rushed to aid the injured. Also featured were average people across the United States recounting where they were and what they were doing on that fateful morning. My daughter, who is now a senior in high school and about to enter adulthood, was a kindergartener and was at school. My son, who is now 13 and a growing adolescent, was a baby. I was a stay-at-home mom and was in my white and green kitchen feeding Nick his cereal when the first plane struck. The tiny kitchen TV was tuned into the Today Show when it was interrupted with the Special Report music announcing something big had happened. I was in utter disbelief. It couldn't be real...was my first thought. Surely it is a movie trailer. Then as reality struck and the gravity of what happened settled in the second plane struck. I wondered what the hell was happening, and where else might be hit? My thoughts turned to my daughter at school....was she safe?!
Today is a day for quiet reflection.
Focusing on gratitude.
My thoughts turned inward. The last several months has been the metaphoric roller coaster. I ran the gamut of emotions. I am sure you saw a pattern forming with my last posts. Writers block, personal pain and change, etc. In looking back, it might seem as if I was experiencing the infamous midlife stress. I'm 46, so I kind of fit the profile. There has been change within me and in my life. Some good, some bad. I should have been writing about it, but for some reason didn't. I kind of went into lockdown as life played out as it does. I can never expect it to flow smoothly, and I've come to terms that change can be good. It should be embraced rather than feared.
So I'm back. Time to catch up on friends' and colleagues' blogs. Time to get back to what my soul craves; reading and writing. To be alive. I was completely AWOL and as I write this I realize how important this blog is to me. It's really good to be back.