I don't really feel like writing today, which is why I'm writing. A friend shared a quote with me this afternoon and said it made her think of me, "If I don't write to empty my mind, I'll go mad." I thought this was so true, and so fitting of my mood today.
Today is one of those days where I'm not feeling much like doing much. I have a lot weighing on my mind, that distracting myself with my iPod, a good book and maybe a mani/pedi for a few hours sounds like heaven. However, I do not have the luxury of taking today off. I have a "to-do" list a mile long and there are two kids who need attention from me.
I am a stay-at-home mom. I tried the career-working mom thing for a while when my daughter (my oldest child) was little, and decided it wasn't for me. I wanted to raise my kids. So I quit my job and became a full time mom after my son was born. I had dreams of being that perfect mother who did all the perfect-mom things you see on TV. I would cook elaborate gourmet meals for my family, have a perfectly clean house, laundry all caught up, volunteer in my "spare time" and raise beautiful, well-behaved children.
In other words, I thought I could achieve perfection. Well, my daughter is now 16 and my son is 12. I think, for the most part, I've done a pretty good job with my end of the parenting business. But I have finally realized that I'm so far from perfect it's ridiculous. The mere attempt at perfection is ridiculous. All I really have to accomplish is what I need to do each day and make sure my kids are happy, loved and taken care of. As I mature, I've learned that perfection is most definitely not reality.
Today there will be no gourmet meal, the house is semi-clean but would probably give Martha Stewart a heart attack (kids and their friends live here for Pete's sake!!) and the laundry is a work-in-progress as usual. Our day was filled with friends who came over to hang out, carpool to football and basketball, some laundry that may eventually get folded before I go to bed, errands and I managed to squeeze in my Ironman Training (that will be a topic for another day). But the kids are happy and that's what counts.
Now....that being said...I am at a point in my life where I have decided that it's time for me to go back to work. This is one of the things on my "to-do" list that has become increasingly more important to me. I'm humming Eminem's "Lose Yourself" right now. It might just have to be my theme song (doesn't everyone need a theme song?!) Take an opportunity when it arises, because I might not get it again. This is where balance will have to come into play. Balance is defined as "an even distribution". It is definitely something that I will have to practice (along with patience).
Not everything on my list needs to be done today. I take solace from that. I will accomplish what I can and the rest will wait until tomorrow. That is the beauty of imperfection! I am grateful to be busy being a mom to Kendall and Nick today. I am happy that I'm taking steps to go back to work. I am grateful that I sat down to write. At least a small part of my mind was emptied. Madness averted for now!