Cityscape

I love being in the city.  Any city.  Each has it's own unique character.  The people, the noise, the culture, the food, the adventure.  Cities breathe on their own and excitement streams through the streets.  Anything I can imagine at any hour of the day is at my fingertips. The ebb and flow; the darkness and light. Cityscape.

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things". ~Robert Brault

For me, that means to seize every opportunity. Be true to myself in all that I do, which means be open, honest and willing.  Every minute has the potential to be a "big moment". At this point in time, happiness comes from being with the people that encircle me in this city.

As I stroll, I hear the countless footsteps of the pedestrians surrounding me. Like a swirling sea, the throng seems to pick me up and carry me down the gritty sidewalk with purpose. The countless sounds, the life blood of the city, pulse in my ears. Car horns, tires screeching, the voices of people filled with laughter, chatter, shouting and whispers join with the shrill sound of the policeman's whistle as he guides us across the street and on our way to various destinations.

I stop at a small cafe' for coffee and select a table outside where I can watch the madness. I revel in it; the hustle and bustle. I can choose to be part of the act or completely separate from it. I order my favorite, Americano with cinnamon powder.  Time to people watch.  I open my laptop and button up my coat a little further against the chill in the autumn air. The sun is shining brightly, which warms my face, and I adjust my sunglasses. There is not a cloud in the sky, which is bright blue peeking out from atop the sky scrapers.

Sipping my coffee, my gaze surveys the scene. I could sit here and simply watch people all day.  The characters come to life in my mind as I speculate on what makes them tick. A young mother pushing a stroller, the homeless man begging for change while well dressed bankers hurry past on their way to be important in their jobs. A beautiful couple walks by slowly holding hands, not speaking but occasionally glancing lovingly at the other. The vast difference between the faces of the crowd fascinate me.  Human nature on display in the natural flow of their day. I find serenity here, as easily as I might on a quiet beach or mountain trail. I am one in a million and that allows me freedom.  Freedom to write.  Freedom to be me.

Happiness and tranquility are mine for the taking, if I choose to find them.  And today I'm finding them in the cityscape.

Peace, out
xoxo

Running Commentary - Rain

The alarm rouses me at 6:30am.  It's Saturday, and I struggle to recall why I am getting up so early.  It's raining.  My room is dark, quiet and the taps of rain drops are loud as they patter the roof.  I have a run on my schedule today, a long one.  I hit the snooze button, pull the covers to my chin and drift back to sleep.  Twice more.  Finally, at 7:00 I sit up then slowly crawl out of bed.

This is the first day in quite awhile the sun hasn't been streaming through my windows.  Instead it is a gloomy murkiness as I reach for the light.  Stretch.  The very last thing I want to do is put on my running shoes and head outside. I shrug the negative thoughts away and reach for my shoes, determined to do what I said I would do.

I head out and into the rain.  It actually feels good on my skin as I start warming up.  I feel suddenly optimistic about what's ahead.  I have abandoned my electronic devices and run unplugged.  Only my thoughts to listen to.

Tension evaporates into the droplets on my face as I run.  My brain swirls with thoughts of recent events, hopes for the future and gratitude.  Mile after mile goes by, and decisions are being formed in my mind.  Brain blogging at it's best.  I smile as I feel my optimism return.  The feeling to expect the best in all things returns.  Hope.

I have been struggling of late, but as I run I am reminding myself that we all have struggles in life.  Rather than sit in them it's best face them.  Run it out, but not run away.  That's what today's workout means to me.

I run for two hours, unsure of my mileage but feeling wonderful.  Rebirth with the final drops playing on my skin.

As I sit down to blog my thoughts, I see 10 unfinished posts pop up.  I am reminded of the feelings of procrastination and fear that have been plaguing me for weeks now.  Shake it off Nims.  I deleted the 10 posts that were lingering on my laptop.  Starting fresh today.  I am getting back to the basics.

Peace, out
M

Good Morning Sunshine

I awoke this morning to the sound of birds chirping happy songs and the beginning streams of the early dawn sun peeking through my open windows.  I luxuriated in bed, allowing myself a few moments of quiet reflection.  I smiled, feeling in my heart today was going to be a good day.

As I went through my usual morning reading, meditation and yoga practice, I quieted my mind and reflected upon the last week.  It had been a very emotional, stressful week.  It culminated with tears last evening.  It's true what they say, there is nothing like a good cry.  I released the tension in that cry.  Let go.  This morning as I moved and stretched my body, I felt completely refreshed.  Happy.  Hopeful.

Leading up to my good, solid cry was a week during which I felt as if I was in a rut.  Professionally and personally. I was beginning to doubt myself as a writer, athlete and person. I had been on an emotional roller coaster and was out of sorts. I had lashed out at people who are important to me, yet I didn't really know why.  I could say it was out of fear, and it likely was, however I'm tired of accepting fear.  It's held me in it's chains for too long.  It seemed as if I was in the same place in life I had been for quite a long time.  Stuck in that proverbial rut.  And it was as if I had become comfortable there, complacent in my fear of climbing out of it.  There is comfort in routine, even detrimental routine.  It would take strength to climb out of it, and it would be hard.  The tears came, and became the release that would turn into becoming the push I needed.

Then, late last evening came a conversation with a colleague whom I greatly respect.  A fellow writer, who had sent me a message acknowledging a recent piece I had published.  He said "Thank You", and advised he had shared my work on several media outlets.

The expression "I'm right where I need to be at this moment" came to my mind.  Something clicked inside of me and a feeling of lightness came over me. It was a small thing to him, but it meant a great deal to me.  Inspiration surrounds me,  I just wasn't seeing it.  I wasn't willing.  I had unwittingly closed myself off to the opportunity for creativity and happiness.

There have been some wonderful things that have come into my life. Instead of focusing on the wonderful, amazing blessings, I had remained closed.  Choosing worry and doubt over happiness and freedom.  I was languishing in their shackles.  No more.  Last night I let go.

I had been writing, but I hadn't really been writing from my soul.  I had been existing, but I had not been living to my full potential.

During my brief conversation with my colleague, I expressed that I had been in that rut and that his sharing of my work had given me a boost, for which I thanked him.  He said "It's not a rut, it's how life works. It's recharging your creative energy for writing.  Just like everything in life, things need time to grow."  I found this to be so moving.  Not only had I been recharging creative energy for writing, but also for living.

Sometimes it takes nearly losing something precious to open our eyes, hearts and minds.  To allow sunshine back into our lives.

Today, I am feeling inspired, open and loving.  Finally.  The same birds are still chirping happily as the full, beautiful sunshine touches my shoulders.  Freedom.

Peace,
xoxo

My Passion Coming to Fruition

I love to write. It is my passion. Like other parts of me, this love lay dormant for many years. I had dreamed about traveling the world and writing about my escapades. I wanted my office to be a simple corner desk at the Washington Post. As a child I loved to create stories about people and places of interest. I was a child who, at age eleven, announced she was going to join the Peace Corps to help people and write about the experience. Surely it would be a Pulitzer Prize worthy endeavor. In college my professors told me I was talented and should pursue a career in journalism. Their words of encouragement will not be forgotten.

I didn't join the Peace Corps. I fell in love. I had my heart broken. I healed. I got married. I had kids. I put my career on hold and the only writing I did for many years was journaling.

So here I am. Starting over in so many ways. One of the things I've come to realize is that it's never too late. I'm in my 40's, I'm not dead. Why not? So here I go. It started with this blog. In writing my little daily thoughts and experiences whether it be my passion for triathlon, a life lesson, a fear, or just a day in the life, I'm gaining power over my fear. I'm putting myself out there, making contacts and landing writing jobs. I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable. That's not an easy thing for me. However I recognize that in vulnerability comes strength. 

When I'm vulnerable I'm living...

I am taking chances. I have opened a door to an entirely different future. A future only I can create.  Good stuff!

The journaling I engaged in throughout the last 20 years is what I'm using as a basis for the book I am writing. I'm finally looking fear in the face and putting chapters together. As a writer I have the ability to live in a fantasy world. Creativity at work. Writing a piece of fiction (loosely based upon real events) is proving to be a blast. The characters come to life beneath my fingertips and the story plays out in my head and evolves on paper. My passion is slowly coming to fruition. And as it is coming a little later than I had planned, it will be so much sweeter.

My blog has been my baby. My jumping off point. Ultimately it has been therapeutic for me. It has allowed me to be honest and straightforward about where I am in life. I'm putting my heart into my posts, and letting it all out. Like it or not, it's me. I hope you like it...