As the blank page stares back at me, I'm reminded of how many times I have attempted to write a post in the last month. And it has, in fact been a month since I've published something. Anything. It is incredibly frustrating to have so much to say, yet when I sit down to write nothing comes out. The blank page mocks me.
10 drafts disdainfully greeted me as I opened my blog page tonight. If you are a writer, I know you can relate. One day passes, then the next. Each day the intention to write is there, yet the block sets in. In the old days I would have been surrounded by crumpled pages torn from the typewriter in frustration and cast toward the trash can. Discarded thoughts and words. Meanwhile the blank page mocks. I suppose I can take some solace in the modern method of writing where the "delete" button can come into play. Although, as I recall there was a bit of satisfaction drawn from the violent act of ripping and crumpling the tangible paper.
I am determined this will not turn into another expendable draft.
I know what is causing my block. My life is changing. Everything has already changed. I want to write about it all, and I will....in due time. Now is not the time. So on some level, I have allowed this to limit me.
As a woman, my first inclination is to reach out. Spill my guts. Talk to other women who are going through, or have gone through, similar life changes. Additionally (and this may be my ego speaking), I'm certain my story could help others. Even if I could help one person it would be meaningful to me. We all struggle in life. Ultimately we are never really alone.
A day in the life for me today brought me back to gratitude. I spent some quality time with my children. Time that is precious, as they are growing up so quickly. My daughter will graduate from high school in a little over two months. She will spend the summer as a camp counselor in Michigan, then will begin college in September. My son will spend an extended time at the same camp this summer. I spent the evening with them and enjoyed every minute. Time is precious. Life is short.
Some good advice I was given recently; Relax....just take time and let things unfold. I'm learning to be quiet and listen, and take the wisdom that is given to me by the people in my life I care about. Progress, not perfection.
Little things are what matter the most. Laughter. Writing. Living. Growing. And, perhaps a little cycling. More tomorrow....